my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
