remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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