You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
