He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
babies were throwing up all over the place
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
