watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
