my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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