He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
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I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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