Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
