you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
