Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
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We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
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Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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