In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
