we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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