I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
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I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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