Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
