sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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