I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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