i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
