I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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