My cat gives me a boner
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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