the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
This house was built for laser tag.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
