Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
