why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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