you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
