Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
