but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Can you bring me the toilet please
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
