How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
