The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
