I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
