Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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