so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
