It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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