There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
