Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
someone owes me an orgasm
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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