Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
