If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
