Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
