he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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