dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
