I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Alive.
So much puke
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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