I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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