So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
