Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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