So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
