I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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