I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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