I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
