new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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