Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
