Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you inspire me to be a worse person
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
