all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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