how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
