Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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