Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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