I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
