she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize