saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
