This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
last night I used snow as a chaser
try to milk me bitch
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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