Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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