i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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