did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So many bounce houses so little time
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize