Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
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My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
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Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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